Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Beach Fact Wednesday


Fact: There is nothing like changing a tampon in a public bathroom stall while wearing a one-piece bathing suit and a toddler on your back while the older kid stares at you to make a person reconsider her objections to tankinis.

12 thoughts on “Beach Fact Wednesday

  1. I have a two piece thing with a skirt. I am officially old.

  2. As a lifeguard I got pretty good at pulling the crotch of my swimsuit to the side. I also object to tankinis.

    Discussion with Juju: Mommy, what’s this thing? [holds up tampon in wrapper]
    Mommy: It’s like a…band aid…sort of? For grownups?
    Juju: Can I put one on?

    We’ve also had discussions lately about “How does the baby come out of your vagina exactly?” I am really not cut out for this stuff.

    • I opted for a very detailed anatomically accurate answer to your final question there and she got bored a few sentences in and I didn’t have to finish my explanation.

      • Oh, we have had this conversation MANY times. He thinks the cup sounds like the best option, “so there won’t be any sneaky leaking.” My son is a better lesbian than I am. (In fairness, he was raised in the faith.)

        On Thursday, August 13, 2015, Bionic Mamas wrote:


  3. YEEEEARG! I also have a bathing suit with a skirt! I don’t mind being old if it means my cellulite be-speckled ass is not on view. But yeah, I also have a maternity tankini, and they may not be the worst invention every. (Have you had to buy a suit for Jackalope yet? There’s nothing disturbing about the fact that 90% of the offerings for female children are bikinis, right? Mine gets one of those rash guard things.)

    • I used to think my grandmother was hilarious with her obsession over suits that did not show what she always called your navel. My daughter now has two suits that cover not only her navel but also her arms and thighs. One is from the boys’ section, even. (My grandmother might not have approved of that, except that her abiding love to navy blue would have carried the day.) Besides everything else, who the hell wants to deal with that much sunscreen?

      On Thursday, August 13, 2015, Bionic Mamas wrote:


  4. …but not going to the beach with two children? Impressive! You MIT really love those kids…

  5. Story of my recent life! But try a baby on back and a baby on the front with a twin carrier…it gets interesting!

  6. Had a friend whose daughter came in with a tampon and asked him ‘What’s this and where do you put it?’. He did not want to lie, but did not want to get technical, lest the preschooler decided that she was old enough to use one, so he referred her to her mother.
    Mum answered ‘That is a tampon and you put it in your purse’.
    Predictably, two weeks later, the girl started carrying a tampon in her preschool bag.
    Tankinis are not that bad. Got one this year, and I must say, it came in handy.

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