Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Registering my displeasure


Sugar here.  I would like to state for the record, BEFORE any shit goes down (and I hope none will, but still…) that I did not like that last doctor we met.  I don’t think Bionic has given her a nickname yet, but I would like to dub her Dr. Smarm.  Points not in favor of Dr. Smarm:

  1. She seemed not to have time for us.
  2. When discussing Bionic’s desire not to be instructed to hold her breath during pushing she said that she had never seen anyone who had been able to push out a baby without holding her breath.  When I said that this was not a minor point for us, she smiled at me condescendingly and said “you’ll see.”
  3. She talked in a fake high cutesy voice to the bean.
  4. She referred to Dr. Russian using her first name.  They may be actual friends in real life.
  5. She insisted that the birth plan Bionic brought to the appointment could not be included in Bionic’s folder even though we had been told to bring it so it could be copied and included in Bionic’s folder (…?…)
  6. She didn’t bother to stay long enough in the room to even mention when Bionic’s next appointment should be.
  7. She has stupid highlights. (ok, I know — hair —  but hers managed to look both expensive and bad at the same time, indicating bad judgement, or something)

I am disappointed to learn that she will be leaving the practice two weeks AFTER Bionic is due.  Why not now, lady?  I think you’ve checked out already.

I think it is possible that I am feeling a bit over protective of Bionic, but I found myself wanting to defend her/us from this Dr., which can’t be a good sign.  Here’s hoping that we get one of the other five….

12 thoughts on “Registering my displeasure

  1. I hope you get one of the others. :-/ It’s unreasonable that the doctor not take the time to at least listen to your concerns. It’s not like you two haven’t been through a birth before, you have some idea of what you’re talking about. It seems really frustrating.

  2. 1) If you’ll pardon my language, what a BIIIIITCH.
    2) I pushed out two damn babies -each over eight pounds!- without holding my damn breath.

  3. The hair comment should be moved to the #1 position. When I get a bad vibe from someone that I can’t really explain (although you did explain) I will fixate on some random thing, like hair, to express my dislike. Fuck this doctor. Totally fuck her.

  4. She sounds like a real hosebeast. We have first impressions for a reason. I’m sorry that you might have to be around her while during a time when everyone should be bending over backward to be amazing to you. However, 1. You have a 5 out of 6 chance of not seeing her during the birth. 2. You (Sugar) and your doula will both be there to help mitigate any shit she might throw at you.

    And it is TOTALLY possible to birth a baby without breath holding and directed pushing. I mean, women in comas have vaginal births. I’m sorry that this nitwit is so removed from the natural process of birth that she doesn’t even realize how it works. And yeah, fuck her.

  5. I can confirm from first-hand experience that babies can indeed be pushed out without breath-holding. So on that basis alone I support your dislike of this ridiculous doctor.

  6. Er. I’d certainly be displeased, too. Really hoping for the 5/6 chance of not getting her.

  7. Yep, those are convincing bad, BAD signs. I hate her. Here’s hoping Bionic goes two weeks overdue. Except obviously totally not. Here’s hoping Dr. Smarm gets a Staph infection from her salon and has to take some sick leave.

  8. I would also like to say, this SHOCKING evidence just in: holding your breath in labor can be a very bad idea.

    “Prolonged maternal breath-holding results in maternal apnea and negative maternal hemodynamic changes that lead to decreased blood flow to the placenta and, ultimately, negative consequences for the fetus (Barnett & Humenick, 1982; Caldeyro-Barcia et al., 1981; Simpson & James, 2005)”

    Also there are many studies showing that ‘coached pushing’ does basically fuck-all. ( This one, for example.) Just in case you want to beat the Bitch OB over the head with DATA.

  9. She sounds horrible! Her breath-holding comment is just stupid, as well as condescending. The single most helpful thing that anybody said to me during labor was the nurse who told me to “push here [pointing to my belly], not here [pointing to my head]” when I was holding my breath. The second that registered in my addled brain, my pushes became effective and the baby popped out.

    I wish your odds of not getting her were better than 5 out of 6.

  10. I do not know why a person would become an Obstetrician if they were going to be so damn lackadaisical about obstetrics. Especially INTERESTING obstetrics.

  11. I’ll join in with the fuck her for not understanding that if you need her to not direct breath, she should not direct breath. Obviously if Bionic needs to hold her breath while pushing, she’ll do it. But if she needs her doctor to shut the fuck up about it and let her do what her body needs, that’s what she should do. Ugh. Maybe she’ll use that last two weeks as vacation time and head to Bermuda or something.

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