Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Good Thing This Isn’t Double Dare


One of those longer posts I keep promising you is about how much more fun I am having with a peri-toddler than I was a year ago with a tiny baby. SO much more fun! The Bean is more independent now, of course, but he’s also a better companion in general: he feeds me his peas, he brings gifts to the cats, and he’s starting to learn to sing songs with me. (For real, that last one kills me. He is getting pretty good at doing the echo parts in “Sing What I Sing.” Now I just have to start the verse and he grins and sings, “ah, ah, ah.”) I still have my moments, of course. He gets frustrated by something and starts yelling about it, and pretty soon I am right there with him, saying, “I don’t know what it is you want me to do!” or something similarly maternal and supportive.

The three amigos who are his current favorite stuffed animals — Lambie, Tattoo Bear, and Elmo — are a prime source of frustration. It used to be enough that they were in his crib for sleeping, but now they have to get out of the crib when he does, too. When I come to get him up from a nap, he solemnly hands them out, one by one, before raising his arms to get lifted out himself. (Please, God, let me have a few more months before he figures out how to get himself out. Please.) Sometimes he is content to play with them in his room, but more often he decides they need to travel the house with him, a difficult proposition, given that together they are bigger than he is. He scoops them all up anyway — no one said triplets were easy, y’all — and then discovers he can’t crawl that way. He refuses to walk with them (dangerous!), so he kind of staggers around on his knees, usually while griping. Griping about how hard it is to take care of small beings. Wonder where he got that from.


Do they even make an ergo for this?

Back in his room, where they usually end up after a brisk drag through the cat food, the guys almost always want to be thrown back into the crib, and the Bean obliges. Then, of course, they want out again, so the Bean commences pulling them through the bars by whatever limb he can reach. Tattoo Bear fits. Lambie might, if conditions were perfect. Elmo, though, has a big, hard head. Definitely a c-section candidate, that one.


The Bean and Elmo, in simpler times.

Elmo and the Bean have been all but inseparable for nearly a year now, long enough that I am almost over wondering how a child who had at that point never seen an Elmo video could fall so totally in love with my least-favorite muppet, so his being trapped causes a major emotional collapse for the Bean. Def Con one; full klaxoning, in effect. (tip of the nib to Mrs. Hairy for that verb, now firmly ensconced in the household lexicon.).

Usually, we come and help at this point. The apartment is small, after all, and we like having our hearing intact, although we are starting to see the appeal of losing select bits of it. But this morning, Sugar wasn’t helping fast enough, I guess. The Bean pulled and pulled and yelled and yelled. Finally, he turned to her, up to his ears in vexation, and said to her, loudly and clear as a bell,


Possibly it is time I cleaned up certain other aspects of my vocabulary of annoyance. Ahem.


18 thoughts on “Good Thing This Isn’t Double Dare

  1. I love the pic of the Bean and elmo cuddled asleep, so cute and calm, coupled with the image of elmo being dragged throughout the house/food/litter box. We have a similar 3-lovie (or “buvvie”) situation at our house these days. Izzy needs at least 2 of the 3 (so her hands have a purpose, of course). W is less strict about the “lovie stays in the house-rule” and we had a recent lovie lost on a walk scare. Luckily these little bits of fabric can be found in 101,000 baby stores across the country, including 2 in our neighborhood. Better rush out and find a tattoo twin, that bear looks hard to replicate!

    • How right you are. Tattoo Bear was made by a women’s collective in South Africa. We’d better get him a radio collar.

      Izzie’s thoughts on the purpose of hands seems quite sensible.

  2. A charming and hilarious post!

    I’ve been trying to get Bun Bun to attach to something (Lemur, preferably. He’s small, flat, packable. Plus he has a great back-story–raised in an eccentric billionaire’s wildlife preserve in Costa Rica. Which is how I covered for not knowing lemurs live in Madagascar…) but now the cons are visible in sharp detail. Still, it’s all awfully sweet, the boy and his little ones!

  3. I think that it there is just something about Elmo that makes him incredibly attractive to babies. G has never seen Sesame Street, or been exposed to any other muppet that has a “real” name, but LOVES her Elmo doll something fierce. Sigh.

  4. so darn cute. All three wow! magoo has seemingly taken to nothing (neither did his big bro) and cindy lou has a few favorites (oddly all monkeys of different sorts) but she is content to leave them in their respective homes. perhaps the bean needs a backpack to shove them all in…

  5. Oh! My heart has melted. It is now an actual puddle.

  6. Love this post! We are totally in the “no swearing spell things” phase in our house for this exact reason. Love the 3 lovies — and the vision of moving them through the house was a hoot. This age is quite fun!

  7. That boy is too much. I love his little entourage.

  8. The entourage is adorable, as is this post. Tiny could care less about attachment objects. We’ve tried chucking various stuffies into the crib but he ignores them. Lion is pretty keen on a blue velour bunny but he has never asked to take Bunny out of the crib so he seems to be solely a sleeping companion. The Bean is just so cute, your stories bring out his personality with gusto.

  9. Juju could not give a crap about any lovies, ever. We have a stuffed dog names Pudgies that she maybe snuggled once so we’ve decided he’s her favorite. If we put him in the wagon with her she’ll throw him to the side in disgust. What is with babies and Elmo? I guess it’s better than Barney. (Is he even around anymore?)

  10. Naan slept in her cot until the ripe old age of three. She liked the security of bars!


    PS- the photo of bean and elmo!!!! Ohmysocute.

    • Bug is 3 + 3 months and still refuses to sleep elsewhere than in a crib. I despair of the child sometimes, I do.

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