Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

What I Really Want To Know


My mother has this idea that the sperm banks tell you all the wrong information about donors.  Forget what a friend calls their “alleged personalities;” my mother argues the questions ought to be more like:

Were you born with teeth?  And just how early DID you walk?

(We found the audio clips very useful for addressing the issue of “Nerdy or Spectral?” if you catch my meaning.)

Today, and every day, if you can even call these dark hours “day,” I am thinking they ought to be required by law to disclose if any first degree relatives habitually rise before dawn.  Surely this is a more significant discordance than CMV status.

What’s on your list?

20 thoughts on “What I Really Want To Know

  1. Agreed.

    I am too tired to answer that question.

  2. When did you get hair?! It didn’t occur to me to ask BD this question since he currently has a nice head of hair. But Buggie is still quite bald and now BD tells me he didn’t get hair until he was two! I’m not saying I would have ruled him out because of it, but…Good thing she’s perfect in every other way (oh yeah, except for the not sleeping part. I’d take sleep over hair).

  3. You are on to something here. I feel like you’ve also found a first-date question. I am inherently lazy. I don’t want to be with someone who would drag me out of bed at the crack of dawn for hiking… That is the most important info to know 🙂

  4. Oh my goodness, you are SO right.

    It’s not even just donors either. I have a friend who wishes fervently that she had known that her husband as a child spent HOURS taking apart every piece of equipment in their house (and then not being able to reassemble them). Because her two boys? Now take apart EVERYTHING. And her husband, in keeping with his go-get-’em can-do attitude is usually away on a week-long business trip (“sleeping in a big white bed by himself and ordering steak from room service!”) when her offspring disable key parts of the house.

    I definitely think circadian rhythms should be matched in parents and babies. My poor mother had years where I woke up, ready to go for the day at 6 am, and she’d just managed to get my younger sister down around 4 or 5 am (she is still basically nocturnal, and I am still a morning person).


  5. I totally agree. All sperm banks should ask the following (although the donors may not be able to answer all of them):
    – When did you start sleeping through the night? Were you a good sleeper?
    – Were you more of an introverted or extroverted child?
    – Were you an early, average, or late talker?
    – Did you get sick often as a child?
    – Were you a good eater?
    – Did you fall asleep in the stroller?
    – Were you a cuddler?

    Not that these things will predict their offspring’s personalit(ies), but it would be nice to KNOW. Just sayin’.

  6. I’m glad I’m at least partially a morning person, and that my wife is an evening one. Hmm…I’d like to know about any super-fussy eating issues beforehand–that’s what worries me the most right now (other than aforementioned sleep and hair issues). I don’t want to become my aunt and make canned ravioli every night for ten years because my kid refuses to eat anything else.

  7. Would anyone use the word “intense” to describe you during your first few years.

    • Oh, dear. You’ve just made me realize that I might not be able to blame all of this on the donor. (The exact phrase my parents report a friend saying was, “[Bionic] is…Not Vague.”)

  8. in my mind, the ONLY important question is — Were you a good sleeper?

    Apparently, I should have also asked my mom this question!

  9. At what age did you scale: (a) your crib; (b) baby ‘gates’; (c) the refrigerator? Did anyone ever use the phrase, “climber” in reference to you? Did your parents ever return from the bathroom and find you perched atop the fireplace mantel?

  10. We specifically looked for donors 6’0″ and under so as not to have a giant (I’m nearly 6’0″ myself). After meeting donor’s family, we were told there’s a grandfather who’s 6’7″… There goes that plan! Also, one of our girls is super intense and prone to crazy temper tantrums (goes beyond terrible twos)… turns out donor had them too. His sister says her tantrums were so awful that her mom used to put her out on the porch until she calmed down! These things are NEVER on the questionnaire!!

  11. love, love all of these questions!! mine was similar to olive’s: “would anyone use the word “spirited” (as a kinder way to say demanding and difficult!) to describe you as a toddler?”

  12. I frequently wonder how my spouse could possibly be related to his relatives, and I live with him. There’s always something!

  13. LOL. Maybe CMV status AND whether they were colicky babies or not?

  14. I would want to know if they rubbed their boogers on their special blankie at night because, for me right now, washing that thing is traumatic.


  15. How big were you when you were born?

    When did you sleepthrough the night?

    How many times a day did you poop?

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