Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Quick Question


Why is it that even though I prayed so long and ultimately fought so hard* for the Bean to sleep through the night**, no matter how frayed my nerves are by the Bean’s bedtime and no matter how doggone grateful I am that he is finally sleeping peacefully, by the time he’s been in there a couple of hours I have this overwhelming urge to go get him up and just snuggle the heck out of him?

For that matter, why do I spend a good 60% of his aggregate nap time — often after an hour cursing his refusal to quiet down and just Fall Asleep Already — looking at pictures of him on my computer?

Sweet mystery of life, I reckon.

*Including during this very week of regression and generally partying-like-a-10-week-old which had better be done, or my nipples are going to mildew.

**Where “night” is defined as ending at around 4a.m., 5 on a good day.  No-I-am-not-okay-with-that; yes-we-have-tried-everything.

24 thoughts on “Quick Question

  1. I look at pictures of Goldie constantly. Sometimes when I’m walking her around the house during a melt down I’ll look over and see Fern scrolling through pictures of her on her laptop. I totally get it.

  2. Because, like my mom always said, we’re biologically hardwired to love kids and find them adorable or we’d never put up with their bullshit? I always thought she was just being mean, but I kind of get it now.

  3. Awwww! We spend a fair bit of time looking at pictures of Bun Bun at night while she sleeps. I think it’s because no amount of time or experience makes this feel real, that there’s really a little person that’s so wonderful and amazing and that we can love this much! Or maybe you’re just not watching enough trashy TV to absorb your attention.

    (Bun Bun wakes at 5 every day. I refuse to get her before 6:30, and she typically falls back asleep until 6 and then talks to herself for half an hour, but the waking at 5, well, it wakes ME up, and boy do I wish I could think of something to make her stop doing that, but I suspect the only solution is to move our bedroom to the basement. SIGH.)

    • I HATE that. Happens at least once a week (only at 4), and since we have a 2-bedroom apartment, I end up lying there starving and/or needing to pee, afraid to move for fear of waking him up. Which I might as well, since I’m not getting any sleep, but oddly, Sugar does not agree.

      Also, you’ve made me realize that the transitional object I need is a trashy TV show featuring pictures of the Bean. Um.

  4. LOL. We do the same thing too. Fortunately our guy’s sleep has been going pretty well lately. (Please don’t let me have jinxed that!)

  5. I spend a good portion of B’s sleeping hours watching him sleep on the video monitor (also known as the “baby in the box”). It’s absurd. If I could climb into his crib and snuggle with him, I would.

  6. I find it very easy to miss the turtles when they are sleeping. This is also partly because when they are asleep they are quiet and peaceful and beautiful and need absolutely nothing from me, so it is easy to crush on how perfect they are. Whereas at 6:30pm after a long day of toddler-wrangling, I’m all about getting them to go to bed.

    And that looking at picture thing? Yeah. We totally do that.

  7. I will spend forty minutes struggling to get E. to take a nap, and the moment he conks out in his crib, I just stare at him in blissful wonder that he exists and he is my son, even though I literally wanted to hurl myself out a window four minutes earlier.

  8. And this is total assvice, but with the early morning wake up, could it be nap related? Apparently 10-11 month olds are legendary for wonky sleep. (And so sorry if you have read this already…)

    • I’m open to assvice if there’s chance it will work! Sadly, the Bean has already self-implemented one of the solutions offered here (later nap), and I know from experience that the other doesn’t work (shorter nap). Also, this early-rising thing isn’t a new development but a life-long habit, and certainly not one he inherited from me. Sigh.

      • I do remember earlier comments about the early mornings. Ugh. That sucks. Can you stumble in, deposit many fun toys in the crib, and stumble out again to get more shut-eye, or he is up-up, as in ‘get me out of the crib and get breakfast right now!’?

        What time is he down for the night? Can you crash out a bit earlier just to get more sleep?

        • The latter type, unfortunately. And breakfast must include both nursing and solid food, so there’s at least an hour right there.

          He goes down around 7; I go to bed about 10. I know I should go earlier, but I just need a little time to not have anyone needing anything from me, you know? And anyway, I still hate getting up early. And love complaining about it, apparently 😉

          • Oh, I understand. I really do. E.’s first feed is often around 11 or a bit later, which is usually within an hour or less of my falling asleep, so I am completely disoriented when he wakes me up. But I love my free evenings. Love them. So I never go to bed before 10 either. 🙂

          • I know EXACTLY what you mean. Just please! Nobody touch me! Nobody talk to me! Everyone leave me alone for an hour!!

  9. It is among the strangest parts of the bizarre world of parenting, and I can offer no explanation.

  10. We do the same thing! Like finally get a date night out, then talk about the kids the whole time 🙂

  11. Because he is, as my Bug says, adoridable.

  12. I spend like half of my work day spamming my coworkers with pics of Juju, and C and I constantly scroll through our pics and videos of her when she goes to bed. Going in to check on her (i.e. smile at her adorable little butt up in the air and smell her sweet milky baby smell) before I go to bed is one of my favorite times of day. So I get that.

    I’m sorry sleep is so hard at the Bionic household. I have no assvice for you, but you might consider putting it out there in case someone else does. Or, you might not as it will just irritate you because well-meaning people will tell you how awesome their babies sleep and it only took X days to train them. Yes, I can see why you’d want to avoid hearing that. Good luck.

  13. I think there must be some sort of pheromone that sleeping children release. They can be the worst kind of devil when they are awake, but the moment they are asleep your heart automatically turns to mush. I think it is what ensures that we will feed them the next day.

  14. Sighhhh I feel the same way about the snuggling. If you make your way over to my page you’ll see I’ve nominated you for an award 😉

  15. babies. sheesh. if they weren’t so freaking cute!

    my professor asked me if i was okay last night because apparently i was nodding off in class. i lied and said it was 8 month sleep regression. the lie was the regression part. and i guess the 8 month part since he’s closing in on 9. bunny has only had one week, a few weeks ago, an apparent aberration when he slept 5-6 hours every night.

  16. We’re hardwired to be obsedded with our offspring. Survival trick for the sleep deprivation. 🙂


  17. I’ve got pictures on my phone, my computer background, my skype profile pic etc… If Bub is still asleep in the car when we reach our destination, I just wait it out and pass the time switching between looking at the sleeping babe and pictures of her being awake…

  18. oh been there done that. i always want to pick them up or lay my hand on their back. but if they wake i am a bit taken aback. stupid motherhood throws everything out of whack!

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