Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son



Today in Science! we asked the question: Is Bionic’s pelvic floor still strong enough to withstand endmiddle-of-migraine gastric pyrotechnics?

Hypothesis: Yes.  It’s been ten months, and she’s gotten pretty good at sneezing, as long as it isn’t a whole lot of sneezing or a very full bladder.

To test this theory, we had Bionic vomit energetically with a slightly full bladder.

Results: Messy.

Conclusion: Hypothesis incorrect.

Additional discussion: Kegels.  Or Depends.  Or both.  And definitely fresh pants.

14 thoughts on “Science!

  1. BLOODY migraines. How I hate them. Hate hate hate. Last thing you need is a new level of indignity inflicted upon you by the stress-testing of your re-modelled undercarriage. I wince for you.

    (Sodding bastard migraines).

    • sodding bastards, indeed. sodden, too.

      can’t complain about this one to you, though — it lasted two days and the puking was miserable, but the headache part wasn’t that bad, in the scheme of things. ice picking kept to a minimum and i never even murmured the word “self-treppaning.” micturation aside, your recent one was far worse.

    • Micturition. You’d think I could spell that by now.

  2. Yikes! Test again in 10 more months. Hopefully science will have improved dramatically by then.

  3. Okay, I really am trying not to laugh…

    But I do hope it gets better! Have you talked to your doc?

    • No, I haven’t. It hasn’t been that big of an issue, or at least not after the first few months. Ugh. I need to get new migraine meds anyway, so I suppose I should mention it.

  4. Yikes! Migraines are the absolute worst. Soiling oneself definitely comes in a close second, and as a tandem act, those two are a pretty unstoppable day-ruiner. So sorry.

  5. Oh no! That sounds awful in so many ways.

  6. Sorry I’m laughing, I just recognize this too well. Minus the vomiting. Thus far. Hope you feel better soon!

  7. My first thought was to utter my best British ‘you poor love!’ and offer a cup of tea, but, well, tea is only rented. It’s a bad bladder drink….


  8. HORRORS. It makes for a droll anecdote, but I bet it was hell to live through. So very sorry! And now I will chuckle.

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