Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Wise Child


Oh, internets.  Thank you for your sweet birthday wishes.  They are much appreciated.

The Bean and I had a fine day.  In the morning, he discovered the piano for the first time.  We have put him on our laps to play before, but this was the first time he has gotten there on his own, reaching up from the floor and finding the keys himself.  He was enthralled, and those of you who have been reading here for a while surely don’t need to be told how happy it made me.


I had to make up a shift at the hippie coop, but we managed a quick lunch out with the Dane beforehand, baby’s first burger and fries.  (not baby’s first fries, of course — how could I have waited this long?) The coop was a mixed bag, as it often is.  No room at the inn doing my preferred work, but the grumpy staff member I am careful to be friendly to found me a job and rescued me from working the shopping floor.  Which is to say that I spent a couple of hours cutting the cheese.  The Bean got worn out in childcare, so I spent the last hour up there, nursing and letting him sleep on my lap, which meant I was, because of a poorly chosen position and a reluctance to wake him, flashing my crotch to the room for most of that hour while an overdressed and very snobby childcare worker, herself the mother of a pwecious baybee, greeted my self-deprecating comments on my own mothering with deep pity.  My feelings were rather hurt until I reflected later (inwardly, inwardly) that the snobbery and the pity might result from her having gone through life with a stripper name.

At any rate, cricks in the neck and satin jodphurs be damned, spending an hour of my birthday with my own sleeping baby on my lap…  well, it’s hard to argue with the sweetness of that, as presents go.

The Dane’s four-year-old was in school at lunch time, so there was nothing for it but to meet up again, as she had made the very selfless request that she be allowed to take me out for ice cream to celebrate my birthday.  She made me a pink card with a tiny drawing inside and told me a story about acorns that became trees that became the whole world.  While her mother ran upstairs, she and I sang songs to the Bean.  He watched with especial interest as I sang an old kindergarten favorite, “Robin In The Rain.”

Do you know that song?  It’s a good one.  It begins:

Robin in the rain

You don’t mind the weather

showers always make you gay

And when I sang that line, the Bean looked up at me and said, “Gay.”

Now I know, I know, it’s only echoing (which is still pretty exciting, imho).  I’m not going to start parrying pity and disapproval over the Bean’s not sleeping with claims of precocious understanding of sexual identities or anything.

But in 15 years or so, I might not be able to resist telling the kid that his first word was gay.

(It’ll almost make up for how his admittedly adorable love for his Elmo doll strikes fear into my heart that I will have to spend years listening to that whining ball of lint pester his goldfish.  But damn if it isn’t cute right now.)

15 thoughts on “Wise Child

  1. Stripper names leave some of the deepest scars. But ‘gay’ for a first word is brilliant! Happy belated birthday!

  2. Happy birthday! It does, indeed, sound like a lovely day. Your blog is so fun to read. Thank you for that. I hate Elmo, too, and Dora. I’m sure Juju will deeply love one of them (or both) just to irritate me. I don’t know Robin in the Rain, but as an old camp counselor who thought I now I think I’m going to have to learn it.

    Cheers and happy b-day!

  3. If only my son’s first word could be gay! I think I might just start priming him for it now. That is awesome! lol 🙂 Your pic with elmo stole my heart btw. SO cute!

  4. Sweetest photo!

  5. OMG – he is so damn adorable!

    When we had a piano, Bub was too small to appreciate it. We moved to a smaller place when she was 5 weeks old so the piano had to go. She loves bashing an old chocolate tin though. I still can’t get over the fact she drums in time to whatever music is playing.

  6. Oh, the baby fuzz, it kills me. Not least because I seem to have made two bald babies.

    Elmo is indeed the whiniest of all Muppets, exceeded only by Baby Elmo (the potty training video, though effective, is nigh on intolerable). Along with Thomas the Imperialist Tank Engine videos, we have banned Elmo videos from our home, though I admit to the occasional sesame-street-website leniency as long as I can be in another room.

    Also: GAY!!! Go Bean.

    (No, I don’t have anything better to do than stalk your blog.)

  7. Elmo is pretty bad, but after 2 straight years of Dora obsession, I’d take Elmo any day! Actually, the Bean is so cute that I’d take just about anything.

    “Gay” is a glorious first word. I’d definitely claim it for him if I was in your shoes.

  8. That was his first word? THAT WAS HIS FIRST WORD? This makes me so happy I might explode.

  9. Fantastic first word, Bean.

    So. Hold your horses there, while I get this straight. You said: Lumme, it’s hard getting this baby to sleep” and Lola (?): I pity you so much.
    or words to that effect? MAD IN THE HEAD.

  10. too much cuteness. i want to eat him up! that picture with elmo is my absolute fave.

    bunny isn’t 6 months old yet, but he was doing some serious damage on some sweet potato fries this weekend. his eating styles still need some work, though. there’s way more spitting than swallowing going on.

  11. OMG could he be any cuter??? He is perfect 🙂 Sounds like an awesome way to spend your birthday.

  12. That picture is just glorious.

    And go Bean! The eating, the speaking, the piano playing, etc. Sounds like a great birthday.

  13. I am late to the birthday wishes, and for that I apologise deeply but happy, happy birthday to you, young thing 🙂

    Adore the picture of Bean with Elmo. The first time Naan saw Elmo she shrieked her head off and ran from the room, gibbering. But that’s Naan for you.


  14. OH MAH HEAVENS, did he really give you those two wonderful presents? I suspect Sugar has been training him in private for weeks on the piano and the gay-saying. The elmo cuddling is the sweetest thing I have ever seen. It’s hard not to lean over and kiss the screen. It sounds like a lovely day filled with sweetness and reality, and stripper name can go fuck her overdressed self.

  15. Happy belated birthday!

    Hooray for Bean playing the piano! He’s so adorable! And even though Elmo is incessantly annoying, that picture of him snuggling Elmo is seriously one of the cutest things I have ever seen! 🙂

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