Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Just In Case


Just in case you were afraid this was becoming one of those smug blogs where we only write about how awesome our lives are, I thought I should tell you that, after two days of solid Freak Out on my part about whether my milk was suddenly running dry, I’ve realized that the latest nighttime hell is most likely the infamous 8-month sleep regression.

Silly me; I thought maybe we would somehow get to skip that, SINCE THE BEAN HAS NEVER FUCKING SLEPT the way I keep hearing about other babies doing.

Special thanks to the folks across the street, who are paving the g-d parking lot during his “oh fuck, I forgot to sleep last night” nap, meaning I am stuck awake with eyes that feel like gravel.


P.S. Why do I read the comments on Ask Moxie? They only ever make me weep with hopelessness and bitter envy.

15 thoughts on “Just In Case

  1. Ooh, that sucks. Sorry to hear it. We are in E.’s version of sleep hell over here, but he is cutting a tooth, which I think (hope?) explains it. I hope the Bean settles down again soon.

    I normally feel a bit better after reading at least some of Moxie’s comments- there is always at least one person whose baby is doing weirder things than E. And I found out the other day that one of the babies in my online birth club wakes up FOR THE DAY at 3 am most days, and then does maybe two 30 minute naps for the rest of the day. I would seriously lose my mind.

    I find myself more and more these days repeating the Moxie mantra of “It gets better, and then it gets worse, and then it gets better, and then it gets worse, and then they go to college.” E. is not textbook and never will be. I just have to try to roll with that (and get really really good at cleaning the house in 30 minute increments.)

    I loved your food post (think I said that on the previous comment but it deserves repeating). Thank you SO much for posting it!


    • the thing is, when it comes to sleep, i am that person. the one you feel bad for. the one who has never had sleep as good as what others’ babies “regress” to. the one to whom no one at the moms group says, “me, too.” it really gets me down to read about babies who have “stopped” sleeping through the night. the rare commenter who has it worse only makes me afraid that it will get worse for me, too.

      i try to tell myself that i am getting off easy on some counts, but it’s hard to escape the thought that other challenges would be easier to cope with if they came with a little g-d sleep once in a great while.

      • okay, i’ve had a little (read: a few hundred mg) more caffeine since i wrote that, and it is just faintly possible that i am being a scootch over-dramatic. apologies if tone was over the top.

      • Ooh- sorry! I gather from your most recent post that things are better now, but sorry if my occasional whining about E’s weird-ass sleep patterns comes across as salt in the wounds.

        One of the Mums on my birth club (who has one of those insane 12 hour/no wakings babies) today started posting about how adults who have trouble sleeping always turn out to have had bad sleep patterns as kids, and she went on about how we have to teach them to soothe and learn to sleep. Then waxed on about the virtues of the BW’s EASY (which I wasted months of E’s life trying to get him to follow before giving up and accepting the 45 minute nap as his normal).

        I’m not going to lie- it was probably a good thing she said this online and not to my face, as my thoughts were better left said only to my computer and the cats. I worry SO much about E and his sleeping, and do not need to add the extra layer of guilt that I’m ruining his adult life. GAH.

        Hope you are getting more sleep now.

  2. My baby is 17 months and nearly always wakes up every 2-4 hours ALL NIGHT LONG to nurse or be snuggled back to sleep. He is sometimes a tiny bit better, sometimes much worse, but as awesome as our lives are (he is charming and eats absolutely everything) he is a truly horrible sleeper. And as for the Ask Moxie posts, I used to pour over them when Will was little trying to uncover the key to improving his sleep, but now I am much more resigned. We will all sleep when he is a teenager, because all teenagers sleep, right?

  3. not sure if misery loves company, bionic. but Im that mom that can say “me too” — Izzy is a HORRIBLE sleeper. After a brief (honeymoon) when she was 2-3 months old where she slept for 6-straight-glorous-hours, she has pretty much regressed to the point that our friends with newborns are even horrified. With every milestone, someone says, “by 6 months, or by 9 months” — at this point we are holding out for..”by college!”

  4. There is NOTHING worse than being exhausted all the time. Nothing. Does it help that the Bean is one of the cutest babies I’ve ever seen? If you get him into baby modeling, I’m sure you’ll make more than enough to hire a nanny who will play with him while you nap.

  5. I get all BLEARRRGHHHGGAAARRGG inarticulate, and grim-faced if I have to get up before SEVEN. So sympathies, Bionic, sincere and plentiful ones, you poor, poor woman.

  6. Insomniac baby. The HELL of it. I’m an insomniac myself, and the mere idea of being woken JUST as I doze off makes me feel yickish. Living it, for a brief few days, when H has a cold and is a bit snorey, makes me Very Angry With Anxst And Rage. Months and months? I’d’ve had an epic melt-down in the middle of the street in the middle of the night in the middle of the week.

    Also, given how horribly rough Insomniac Baby is on the parents, how the hey does Insomniac Baby manage? They’re not even allowed caffeine. Poor, poor you.

  7. I stopped reading all parenting advice when I simply couldn’t take any more of being told that every last little thing I did would psychologically scar my child in some way. It’s been easier to cope since then. I no longer expect Bub to sleep because other babies her age are sleeping. In my world, there are no other babies and as a result, as far as I’m concerned she’s doing exactly what all babies do. There is no alternative world where nights are uninterrupted – that sort of gorgeous thing only happens in my imagination.

    After I accepted that my life would sometimes involve getting up every 20 minutes throughout the night (thank f- that stopped when the breastfeeding did!) and stopped comparing my situation to that of people with sleepy kids, I stopped being jealous and got far less stressed. The ‘ignorance is bliss’ philosophy doen’t help with the lack of sleep, but it’s certainly perked my mood up. I’m still getting up every 4 hours, but 4 hours feels like a luxury compared to what came before so I can’t complain. 🙂

    I really hope you get some sleep soon. Until having a child, I never understood why sleep depravation is used as torture. Now I know. You have my deepest sympathy!

  8. Our girls have been pretty good so far (they just turned two), but those rough patches? Like this freakin’ morning? Oh, good lord, so exhausting. So I’m sending you virtual toothpicks for your eyes, mama. And ps, hello from another Brooklynite. 🙂

  9. Ugh. I’m sorry. I have been there and it is awful.

  10. OH Bionic, only a sleep deprived woman would think that last post read as I’m so smug because something went relatively well! I am so very and truly sorry that you’re having to exist under these conditions. And okay, maybe there are ways in which you’re getting off easy, but it seems to me the BIG ONES, the ones that OUR WHOLE LIVES REVOLVE AROUND, are feeding, which, at least as far as your breasts are concerned, sounds like it was/is hellish, and sleeping. COME ON, Bean. Give Mama a f*cking break.

  11. sleep deprivation sucks. and the 8 month thing was a pain in the arse. some day the bean will sleep. really. it will happen. some day.

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