Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

One Month In


Oh, for fuck’s sake. Blogger just ate a very long — and, since it isn’t here for you to read, let’s assume terribly witty — post, mostly about the myriad ways breast-feeding is driving me batty. Obviously, its deletion is a La Leche League plot.

I’d recreate it, but between nursing, “soothing” (read: trying everything I can think of followed by trying not to panic), and repeating, it took me 6 hours, and this nursing session I am spending typing one-handed will likely only be another 5.

The main points:

  • Breastfeeding is going much better.
  • It is still kind of a pain, and I wonder that people are reluctant to wean. I am squarely in Counting The Days territory.
  • I’m tired of sleeping in a nursing tank, but I hate waking up in a cold puddle.
  • Why is it cold even when it first drips on my belly/leg? At least peeing your pants is warm
  • I mean, that’s what I’ve heard.
  • I would like the weather to warm up, so I can include outside benches in my emergency nursing station list.
  • Thank heavens boob nudity is allowed in New York state, because lordy, this is an awkward business. Especially outside in the wind.
  • Vasospasms really, really suck. Like pliers on the nips, and not in a sexy way, either.
  • My OB’s nurse (and by extension their postpartum care) really sucks, too.
  • The non-dippy LC — who keeps the sabbath and doesn’t work Friday afternoons and who answered my emails today anyway and with concrete advice (more than I can say for certain nurses) — continues to not suck.
  • My nipples hurt.
It was funny the first time. Really.
And now, pictures of The Bean, who is one month old today:
Still in newborn size — this one is for you, Schroe

But he IS growing! Compare:

Three days old.

Four weeks old

Grey-blue eyes, for now. (Bluer than they look here.)

No Papparazzi
A healthy disdain for paparazzi

And a name:


22 thoughts on “One Month In

  1. Vasospasms. Oh, OW! Horrid. Kudos to you that you're still nursing the little bugger because I've had those and they're miserable (yes, I had them EVERY TIME; my personal record, in case you were wondering, is five months).

    The baby, however, is gorgeous and amazing. YOU MADE A PERSON! GO YOU! Bonus points that he's adorbs 🙂

  2. Awwww….he is so sweet!!

    For me bf'ing got easier and more enjoyable as time passed. I hope it gets better for you too (at least less painful!)

  3. The little block is almost as cute as he is. 🙂

  4. Love the name and appreciate your honesty. BFing was not enjoyable for me either. Luckily life with your little guy will become about so much more

  5. That's what I've heard, too! *ahem*

    Vasospasms do give up and go eventually: I suffered mortally with them at first, but eventually fed Harry until he was *cough* two and a bit, whereupon I was obliged to tell him that my boobs were broken, or he'd still bed on 'em now.

    The carved block is wonderful: as is the name.

  6. Love the name! He is adorable. I love seeing the comparison shots with clothes! We have tons of those but in her swing. It's amazing to see how much they grow (especially from the swing point of view)

  7. Vasospams?! WTF?!?! That is really a word I never needed to learn. Good thing he's so freakin' cute because otherwise it would be hard to justify it all (I mean, not that un-cute babies deserve nutrition any less, but you know…). And no worries, I'm sure many of us have peed our pants just enough at some point to understand that warm sensation of which you speak (but not from personal experience of course).

  8. He is absolutely gorgeous and I love his name! Sorry nursing is such a rough experience for you.

  9. He's so beautiful I can't stand it! Sorry the mean computer ate your post, and that the nursing has been so hard. For me, it was much easier the second month and beyond, but obviously your mileage may vary. Hang in there.

    Love his name!

  10. This post made me laugh so many times! And what a gorgeous little one!

  11. What an adorable little boy!
    Breastfeeding was so ridiculous the first month or so, but then it got better. Perhaps i just needed to toughen up or something. Anyhow I hope it improves for you with the help of the non-dippy LC!

  12. I love the name so much! He is so freakin' cute. You can see how much he's grown already, so clearly the boobs are working in spite of the pain. Sorry about the pain, BTW. I hope it goes away soon and nursing is blissful and you can't imagine stopping. 🙂

  13. He really is beautiful. Such perfect delicate features. The highest praise I am capable of offering: he reminds me of my own (mostly sweet) daughter at one month.

    Breastfeeding sucked for me in every way, as I've said before. I made it to 9 weeks. In the end I had bigger battles to fight for myself and for my daughter, and BFing was one that I chose stop fighting so that she and I could both put our energy where it was needed even more.

  14. Excellent name choice! I am sure you are relieved we approve, as now you won't have to change it. I hope you continue to photograph him in that sleeper until he's at least 18. Also, as a curious child I once put a clothes pin (this is an oldey timey article from the days when there were laundry lines) on my nipple and the memory of the experience has never left me. Good to know I may have more of that to look forward to.

    It sounds like things are chugging along great, all things considered. Which is WONDERFUL!

  15. Love the name. Beautiful child.

    Glad breastfeeding is going OK, but I REFUSE to google vasospasm in the nipples. Nononononono.

  16. Love the name. Thank you for sharing. Gorgeous pics too- what a beautiful boy.

    Thanks for your honesty about breastfeeding. Me thinks we need more of it. I have no assvice, obviously, but everyone tells me six weeks is the magic point where it all becomes easy. So I hope that is true for you as well.


  17. OMG I love seeing him in those clothes 🙂 I am glad nursing is getting easier. It was lovely to see you both in person & any time you want a public (or some say “aggressive” nursing buddy, I'm game! Until of course Speedy and I are forced out of the city by the cruel fates.

  18. I looove the name! He's eyes are beautiful too!

  19. its amazing how quickly they grow! He is adorable…

  20. Holy cow-that is a gorgeous baby! Your ability to make us all laugh in the midst of a painful ordeal is admirable (because I had a much needed hearty chuckle at a few of your one-liners). Obviously, I have no (worthwhile) breastfeeding advice but just a whole lot of empathy and good luck wishes for you 🙂

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