Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Living the Dream


Hi everyone. We are all home and everyone is healthy. You’ll still have a wait a few days for the birth story, as Bionic is feeling pretty wiped out at the moment.

I thought in the meantime I would share the odd things my dream brain has been coming up with. Apparently it doesn’t like lactation consultants. Although I understand that having anxiety dreams about the new tiny person in the house is normal, I don’t really understand why this is the recurring anxiety dream:

We’ve called a lactation consultant to come help Bionic and the Bean nurse. The one we have called is supposed to be pretty cool, not all crazy and talking about the women’s tent in ‘traditional cultures’ and shit. The doorbell rings and I go to answer it. Instead of the person we’ve called it’s someone who has heard that we called a lactation consultant and might need help. She is an enormously tall bruiser of a woman with bleached blond hair and tons of mascara. She’s wearing an adult-sized fleece polka-dot onesie with ears and is carrying a baby wearing a matching outfit. She totally has the crazy eyes. Behind her is a sort of dangerous looking version of Wallace Shawn.

Somehow we recognize these people as rumored vigilante lactation consultants. Both Baby and I shout at them that we refuse their help because, like vampires, it’s important not to invite them into your house or they will never go away. I wake up as they are pushing past us into our living room.

Um, ok brain. Bionic isn’t even having much trouble nursing. I think we could shelve this particular issue, whatever it is, for the moment. Geez.

In case you were worried, in the real world everything is going fine. Bionic is anemic, so quite tired, but basically OK. Bean slept through portions of last night, has gained weight since yesterday, all the right stuff. We’ve worked out our insurance woes. Even our cats even seem pretty unfazed by the new situation.

Check back in in a few days for real baby details.

6 thoughts on “Living the Dream

  1. Oddly enough, the matching adult-and-baby onesies are the freakiest bit of that dream for me. Ugh.

    Glad all is well in awake-land. Long may it ever be so.

  2. I totally agree with nutsinmay. Am freaking out about the onesies. That is one wierd-ass dream. Shudder.

    Glad that all is going more or less well in the real world, anyway.

  3. lol at the lactation consultant nightmare. i can't wait for the bean birth story. meanwhile, we are easily appeased by baby pictures! šŸ™‚

  4. Welcome home family!!! Looking forward to reading the birth story šŸ™‚

  5. I'm glad things are going well! I'm looking forward to hearing more.

  6. I think that a giant polka dotted onesie with ears sounds amazing. Congrats on meeting your Bean! I can't wait to hear more about him!

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