Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Items From Our Catalogue


Item: This post is coming to you from my dismal office, as I wait an hour for the next bus to ferry me to the train station, the first step of my 2+ hour commute. It will be even longer tonight, because I missed the early bus. I had (somewhat irresponsibly) let class out early so I could catch it, and then I spaced out and missed it anyway. Is this “pregnancy brain” (gag) or ordinary incompetence?

I have become too lazy/dull/generally pathetic to participate in my own meme. Will this be in the DSM-5?

Item: You should check out (and submit to, in all senses of the word) starhillgirl’s very fun new tumblr blog, Lunch. Make your lunch famous on the internet! I’m going to pull a fast one and call my Thanksgiving Sandwich entry my Come And Eat post for this time.

I made half as much sweet potato pudding this year, since Sugar had requested a savory sweet potato dish. I should have made more pudding — it was gone in a day, and I only got one sandwich out of it. The savory option is currently dying a quiet death in the back of the fridge.

Item: All that frantic eating seems to have led to another growth spurt. Internets, I am certifiably enormous. I am back to running into things every five minutes. I am in denial about the fact that turning sidewise to slip by objects or people has become comic in the extreme. (Imagine it — I, not un-wide, approach a narrow passage. I pause, turn 90 degrees, thus rendering myself twice as wide, and proceed to shove my way through.) I would say picture to follow, but I think we can all agree that said picture is more likely to actually happen if I don’t make any promises.

Item: While spending a very nice weekend with friends outside of Boston — and the fact that I can call the weekend very nice, despite how much of it was spent dealing with a teething toddler, a sudden lack of heat and hot water, and an obstreperous landlord ought to give you some idea how wonderful these friends are — I discovered that I could cleverly heft my (considerable) self out of their comfortable but very low armchair by pushing down on its arms and hovering my butt in the air such that my legs swung perfectly underneath me. I was very proud of being strong (and short) enough to manage the feat and performed it more than necessary.

Pride ever goeth before costcochondritis, as it turns out.

This is plenty bad, but how much worse it would be without Dr. Russian, who was on call last night when I left a tearful message with the answering service, after a day of increasing agony. “Take the percocet!” quoth she. Good doctor, that.

8 thoughts on “Items From Our Catalogue

  1. 1) I need your sweet potato pudding recipe.
    2) Love the image of your method of getting up from the chair.
    3) So sorry it resulted in you hurting yourself.

  2. My BIL developed costochondritis once. He woke up in screaming agony at 2am and his terrified parents rushed him to hospital thinking he was having a heart-attack (at 19!). It was THAT PAINFUL. You have very very much of my sympathy.

    (Also sympathy on the sweet potato/savory potato dish appetite and consumption misalignment. You are very good not to be whining 'but I was RIGHT' about it. That's what I would do, because I'm so mature).

  3. Oh dear. Poor Bionic – see, I find it's never good when the adjective “exquisite” is applied to pain. Exquisite chocolate mousse, that is different.
    Hope you're okay again now.

  4. Oh no, that sounds awful! I hope the percocet s working for you 😦
    I, too, still habitually turn sideways when trying to extract myself from tight situations, like from between restaurant tables– oops! sorry about your silverware! (and then I proceed to horrify everyone who has turned to investigate the inevitable clatter by attempting to bend down and retrieve whatever item I have knocked over in my clumsiness…)

    Feel better, Bionic!

  5. I have been bumping into things with my belly, forgetting it is there. And getting up out of a reclining position apparently resembles a turtle on its back.

    Take the meds…some won't hurt. (Says the woman on percs…) Feel better sweetie!

  6. I just loved the image of you instinctively turning sideways, only to realize that this wasn't helping matters…

    I hope the drugs do their job and you feel better soon.

  7. make more sweet potato pudding while you have the time! sounds like things have been moving along swimmingly as you are attempting to negotiate with your new body. feel better!

  8. Damn, I was dx'd with costochondritis last week. We were in San Francisco and I suddenly thought I broke a rib. Just by, you know, breathing (although S tried claim it was from all the good vacation lovin'). I finally went to the Dr (after I convinced myself I needed to have my gallbladder removed) and was told to take some pain meds and wait it out….
    Hope you feel better soon!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s