Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

IVF Orientation in Pictures


There were six straight couples, one woman on her own, and us. We felt out of place. As soon as the presentation started, however, the room was united in one thought:


We sat there for a while, the slides zipping by.


The nurse giving the presentation threw out facts seemingly at random.


There was a lot of talk about ‘product’ i.e. sperm from your partner. This made me feel weird.


I started to feel like we were in a movie about the future.


Then came an enlivening surge of adrenaline when a photograph of the moronic therapist we were forced to see flashed up on the screen.


Then a little interlude with billing . . .

Then the truly surreal:

A plastic torso wearing real underwear comes out of the closet.


And is revealed to have a huge hole in its butt!


Don’t stab yourself in the sciatic nerve! Ok, have a nice day everyone.

16 thoughts on “IVF Orientation in Pictures

  1. lmao. I love this! Sounds like this presentation sucked out loud.

  2. Holy frizzle. What a hilarious way to start my Sunday. Other than funny fodder for a post, did anything actually good and informative come from it?

  3. That was amazing. thank you for your compassionate snark. there is hope for the planet yet.

  4. That sounds like a total Zzzzzzzzzz-fest. Hope there was some good info in there.

  5. How strange. I managed to dodge all the injections classes but had to go to a class done by the embryologist who explained her job from start to finish.

  6. Oh man. Maybe I should have stayed for the injection training! I never injected myself in the butt, only the stomach. Yikes.

  7. I keep a plastic torso wearing real underwear in MY closet, because I'm a frightening serial killer! Sounds like a weird and lousy way to spend a day, but also exciting! To be moving forward!

  8. O!M!G! Powerpoint! So sorry. Yikes. I was the single girl at my injection class. It was very, very boring. But now I'm relieved there was no Powerpoint.

  9. Wow, underwear on the plastic dummy- why? It's not like they have hoo-hahs.

  10. can not stop laughing!!

  11. hysterical. we have our orientation tomorrow. it's just us, though, so i expect it to be not-nearly-as-amusing. or mind-numbingly boring.

  12. LMAO!! I'm so glad I got to take my class online in the privacy of our office. I will keep it in mind not to hit the sciatic nerve for sure.

  13. I love it. The pictures are great. Speaking as a single *and* queer woman, I bet the single woman felt out of place, too.

  14. LOL its amazing that you girlz stayed awake! I am so excited for come and eat… I WILL play man! xoxo

  15. Pingback: Addled All Over | Bionic Mamas

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