Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Seven Swans A-Swimming


Hey, y’all. How’s it?

On the blog and in my life, I’m feeling a need for spring cleaning. Got a number of projects malingering* around the house and mind, needing to get finished before I can move on to new things. So here’s one I’ve been letting slide for too long:

April, of CD 1 Again — and doesn’t that title say it all? Don’t you wish you were still back in the innocent past, when “CD 1” was the first disc in your compact disk changer? — gave Our Dear Blog this award some time ago. Thank you, April! You’re grand.

Here are the rules:
*Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.
*Copy the award and paste it to your blog.
*Tell us 7 interesting facts about yourself.
*Nominate 7 bloggers that you love and link to their blog.

(I know the purpose of these things is to tell you a bunch of random** details about my non-TTC life, like that I know how to eat fire and did so in several parades in college or that I was one of those super-nerd kids who took the SAT in 7th grade for no particularly good reason (but they gave me a book of timelines of European history (that I never read) because I got a good-ish score) or that my fingers are double-jointed, but really? All I want to talk about right now is TTC stuff. So here follow seven facts about our current TTC plans. You’ll have to decide for yourselves whether they’re more interesting than knowing that my geneticist father and I both have simian creases on our left hands and that he used to show his medical students slides of my xeroxed hand prints (Remember xeroxing your hands? Wasn’t that the greatest?) and that I wonder if I’ll one day have a child with the same crease (Oops, that one was TTC-ish).)

Seven Possibly Interesting Facts

1. We met with Dr. Baby Factory yesterday, so he could re-wand my cysty ovaries.

2. They look the same as last summer, which is something of a relief, as they hurt a lot of the time and I was worried they were worse or turning to the Big C or something. But they don’t look good, per se. Two bigguns on the left (around 3 cm each — no wonder it hurts), some smaller ones on the right. I could have the cysts out with laproscopy, but while that would help with pain, it might well hurt fertility, since some ovarian tissue would have to go, too. I feel down on losing ovarian tissue right when I’m hoping to use it.

3. Plenty of follicles, though. And E2/FSH levels are fine (58/4.3 vs. 74/4.2 last year).

4. Dr. BF thinks we’ve tried enough IUIs. If we had a free source of sperm or if my insurance wasn’t as great as it is (and it is! the one good money thing about my job!) or if the cysts were smaller…but yeah. He thinks three tries was enough.

5. It’s IVF time. Probably in June.

6. I feel partly scared about that, partly excited, partly hopeful that all that’s wrong with me is that my eggs can’t get to the ute, because they’re stuck under cysts or getting hung up in scarred tubes.

7. But mostly right this minute I feel a little ashamed to be moving on after only three tries, even if the doctor does think it’s the thing to do, that my odds without it are getting quite small. I’m afraid people — and that’s mostly you, internet, since not that many IRL people know about all this — will think I’m cowardly or lazy or somehow cheating. HOW I WOULD LOVE to get pregnant in my own bed, with my pervy cats curled up and purring beside me. HOW I WOULD LOVE to not get poked and prodded in new, exciting ways. HOW I WOULD LOVE to never learn to give myself injections, let alone ones that will make my ouchy ovary ouchier.

But more than any of that, how I would love to have a child.

Seven Certainly Beautiful Bloggers

1. Mrs. Basement, whose blog I only found today, but whom I already adore.

2. Hairy Farmer Family, who has two cervices, like me! And also two utes. And she’s named them. Also? She’s brilliant in every way.

3. love+love=marriage, who are a whole lot of fun and have cutie-cute pictures of wee Mr. Holland.

4. The magnificent Mrs. Spock! Who is all kinds of wonderful and to whom I owe a proper thanks-for-the-socks-and-love post — the next piece of spring cleaning business.

5. One of His Moms, who likely doesn’t know I exist, but whose blog is one of the first lesbo-mom ones I found. I devoured the archives over the course of a few days last spring — and even if I never got to try my, erm, hand at home insems, I credit her with teaching me how.

6. Madame X at The Young and The Infertile, who is not so infertile these days but remains eloquent and intellectually dashing.

7. And peg o’ me heart, Starhillgirl at Caved, for whom I would log my lunch faithfully forever.

*Ed: GOD, I hate that “malingering” doesn’t mean “lingering, but in a bad way”. I’ve gotten over “nonplussed” not meaning “feeling “eh” about it,” but “malinger” is still hard. I want to use it so bad, but I can hear my mother’s correction, so I won’t. (I can also hear her sigh over the colloquial use of bad as an adverb.)

**I know Mama hates this usage, too, but it’s taken hold nonetheless. Sorry.

7 thoughts on “Seven Swans A-Swimming

  1. You can eat fire? I'm jealous. I've always had a secret wish that I could blow fire like a dragon. Talk about convenience?

    DO NOT feel ashamed about needing to move on to IVF so soon. I think anyone who needs IVF for any reason, no matter how long they've been trying and what they had to endure before, has already paid their dues in some way. I sorta get how and why you feel like that, though. I still feel somewhat ashamed that I conceived 4 kids on just Clomid, and twins, no less. It seems like it should cancel out the 2.5 years we spent trying before that.

  2. Boo for cysts.
    I also say don't feel bad for moving on to IVF. Many of us have had to make the decision for what's next and we base it on our own needs, what is the best chance and where we are in our lives. Those of us who are sperm challenges (as in it's not nearly as easy for us to get our hands on some for whatever reason) have the knowledge that there is never the hope of that oops surprise pregnancy that could still happen to others. When you're looking at the financial aspect of all of it and what our bodies are capable of you have to pick the best thing for you. I hope IVF is that and that the upcoming cycle goes amazing.

  3. Congrats on your award! And, don't feel bad about having to move on at all.

  4. Yeah for getting that awesome award you are so deserving girl. And yeah for moving on to IVF, come on that is awesome. I am such an ivf wh*re, so what else would I have said. xoxoxo

  5. Thanks for stopping by my blog. And thanks to my clients for not showing up yesterday or today so I that I could catch up on your blog and now comment. We might not be IVF-ing until June as well, so we could be Kips Bay buddies. Who knows. Oh, and thanks for the shout out you did to Trashy Diva because I had just been wondering how I should blow my tax return money so I have less to spend on IVF and can be even more stressed out about money, and now I've found it.

  6. I am a bad blogger! I didn't even know this was happening! Lash me with a follistim pen!

    Ok, I'm going to take my working internet (woo! hoo!) and do this.

  7. I know you exist! Thanks for the shout out. I hope you get so pregnant that your shoes don’t fit and then you generally run out of TTC things to obsess over! XOXO

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