Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

17 thoughts on “Our Dumb Appointment

  1. OMG, I would be so tempted to report the therapist for something (maybe at least for asinine questioning…LOL).

    What a totally pointless waste of time. Sorry you had to put up with that.

  2. Okay, firstly – this is freaking BRILLIANT. Hilarious. Hilaribrilliant. Brillarious (I think that one is my favorite).

    Secondly – What. The. EFF? I have been through some truly stupid psych evals (as all clinics require either a face-to-face evaluation or an MMPI for surrogacy), but THIS has to be the single most offensive theRAPIST the world has ever known. I can't help but wonder if she says similar things to ALL soon-to-be parents through 3rd party reproduction coming her way or if she was that idiotic because she was looking at two WOMEN who will be parents together. The baby won't bond with you because you're not the “primary caregiver”? WTF is her definition of “primary caregiver”? Because I'm pretty sure that as the MOTHERS, *both* of you will be. Not to equate you with being the “male role,” but to stress a point, would she tell a soon-to-be father through sperm donation that the baby wouldn't bond with him? Would she tell *any* father that the baby wouldn't bond with him just because he wasn't the one who carried the baby? Somehow, I don't think she would have.

    So sorry that you two had to sit through that crap.

  3. I love the chart, but wow, it's even so much more offensive seeing all of this stuff. Grrrr.

  4. Thanks everyone,

    While I was obviously totally offended, the therapist herself struck me as fairly decent person embedded in a bad system, also as someone more versed in dealing with stressed out straight couples. Of course, as Baby Mama's mom asked, what is she doing working in that particular system? Doesn't she have free will? And why we had to $450 is a whole other matter . . .

  5. ok, that was supposed to be: why we had to PAY $450 is a whole other matter. Also, I guess I feel guilty about trashing the therapist. I wish I didn't feel guilty; the whole experience was eminently trashable and being forced to do it felt like an invasion of privacy. But I still feel guilty . . .

  6. I guess without having been there myself, I can't be as fully judgmental about the therapist as I was. Still, I can't help but feel that even a person with fully open ideas about what makes a parent wouldn't have said the things that she did, sucky system or not. I know many fairly decent people who still manage to have awfully close-minded thought structures about families and family building. Stating honest opinions about the therapist isn't the same thing as trashing her, especially since you did so in a humorously respectful manner. So don't feel guilty. I sure as shit don't for calling her stupid. *wink*

  7. Oh for fuck's sake. I wish someone had given my ex-husband a psych eval before he “inseminated” ME! Mofo is crazy and a pathetic excuse for a father to boot, but since he's straight nobody was worried in any official capacity about what kind of parent he'd be. This is so very bigoted, the fact that they made you two see a therapist to begin with; two women who need sperm because duh, they are two women are in an ENTIRELY different place emotionally from a straight couple who are using donor gametes because one of them has an infertility diagnosis. Y'all knew when you MET that you wouldn't be able to have kids without some third-party involvement. The pointlessness of it all offends me on an intellectual basis almost as much as the bigotry does on a moral/emotional basis. Sorry you had to sit through it (not to mention PAY for it!).

  8. Wow. There HAS to be some nepotism at play here. She's the RE's sister-in-law.

  9. Um, does it normally cost $450 for a visit to a therapist? I feel, when I had to pay out of pocket it was around $100.00. I think its unconscionable on so many levels that you had to do that and that they didn't work with you on the price (at the very least).

    Does she have to give her approval before you can proceed, or do you merely just have to endure it (regardless of her opinion) to get to the next step?

    Don't feel guilty for trashing her! (Frankly you were too nice.) As you pointed out, she has free will and could be practicing elswhere. For that matter at $450 a whack, she could run her own practice!

  10. That sounds frustrating and annoying. And a little bit offensive, in my opinion. Sorry you had to pay to sit through that.

  11. seriously?

    I mean, seriously?

    Did you ask her if Adopted children bonded with their parents at all?

    GRRR on your behalf!

  12. UGH! How horrible! And WHERE did she get her license to practice?!? Serioulsy!

    So sorry you had to deal with that particular brand of stupidity!

  13. That chart is so fraking cool. LOVE IT.

    Do NOT love the therapist, though. I think the word ASSHAT is appropriate here. Did I ever tell you how my therapist rolled her eyes at me when I told her I'd be using donor sperm? Yeah. I was required to have that pointless meeting too, and my therapist spent the next 4 sessions trying to convince me to adopt. I never got the letter for the RE, and I fired her.

  14. You can trash me for just $250, and you don't have to feel guilty at ALL.

    Love the graphic. Hate the therapist. Yuck.

  15. That's pretty douchetastic.

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