Bionic Mamas

you're not losing a vagina, you're gaining a son

Just What Do You Think You’re Doing, Young Lady?


Every time I begin to write a “who we are” post, I realize I’m being defensive about our right to have children, which is a little crazy, since I’m pretty sure no one is even reading this. (Yes, I am that girl who imagines arguments in advance, spending subway rides perfecting rejoinders for remarks made by strangers who, in the actual world, have not given me a second glance, let alone disparaged my clothing/reading material/hairstyle.) We are ready, or as ready as anyone is. I’ve known I wanted to have a baby for many years, and Sugar Mama’s sure now, too. Our relationship is solid: we’ve been together for 12 years, 3 states, and one death-of-a-pet. Good times, bad times — all that jazz. While we’re not legally married (more on that another time), we’ve been everything-but for many years. We have insurance and jobs, and though mine is not so very remunerative, it does have a flexible, baby-friendly schedule. Sugar Mama is no corporate lawyer, but she makes decent money (hence the name). Even our parents think we’re ready, or at least they do when they step out of De Nile and towel off.

An actual conversation, coming out of a “you should wait until you have more money” admonition:

Sugar: Well, there’s only so long we can wait.

Sugar’s Mom: We waited a realllly long time to have you.

Sugar: Yes, and you were a year younger than I am now.

Mom: I was 32!

Sugar: And I’m 33.

Mom: No, you’re not!

Sugar: Mom, really. I am. Really.

After a long conversation and some long-distance carding, Sugar’s Mom was forced to admit that she had radically revised the age of her only child. (There are some lingering issues there, but we are confident they will be no match for Sugar’s Mom’s intense love of babies.)

…and maybe we should wait until we have more money. We’re doing okay, but we live in a very expensive city, and Sugar’s job has a hiring freeze that is also a raise-freeze. We don’t own a house, which is normal where we live but not for where we grew up, so it feels weird. I never figured I’d be an unwed mother, though I’m not so proud on that count that I want to risk 1000-year-old eggs waiting for this cake-sniffer to leave office.

Also, in case you missed it, the world economy just belly-flopped and we’re all going to die of Bacon Fever.

Perverse as this sounds, I think the economic apocalypse is what pushed us from the “maybe someday” camp into “leggo my spermcicle” mode. It was a big reminder that no matter how much you try to build your house on the rock, there is no rock to build upon, only different kinds of sand. (I’m sure the adorable baby I’ve been hanging out with for the past year and the recent announcement of a very close friend’s pregnancy has Nothing To Do With It.)

Be sure to tune in next time, for the story of my bionic lady-parts. (With pictures!)

2 thoughts on “Just What Do You Think You’re Doing, Young Lady?

  1. *nom*nom*nom*

    (that's the sound of me devouring your blog)

  2. I've had a very rough ttc day and reading this line: “leggo my spermcicle” cracked me up. Thank you for the much needed laugh.

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